Last night, I found myself in the ER again with this right hip pain that just would not stop. As it should be noted, as I told the ER doc, I am not a weenie. I walk around on two feet with multiple broken bones EVERY DAY, in addition to some really uncooperative RA. When I say something is unusually painful, I mean something is really really wrong.

Well, as it happens, I was correct.

My right hip has also stress fractured.

I’ll know more for sure on Monday, but, barring any complications, the usual course of treatment is rest for healing.

Yes, a freaking broken hip. It has taken awhile today to really process this one.

My body has truly broken down with the long term steroid therapy. While my life expectancy can still be reasonably normal, steps have to be taken to heal these bones that can (the hip), my feet will likely never heal, and I will always have to exercise an abundance of caution with myself to avoid accidents as my bones are just brittle and I also have balance issues related to my RA.

But that’s all down the road. . . For now. . .

I am a woman in the bed for about 95% of my life for quite some time right now.

I am incredibly blessed to have my amazing husband who looks after me, even bringing the wheelchair (that my bestie so thoughtfully brought over several months ago) upstairs to help me, making dinner after he’s worked all day, and keeping our doggies stocked with homemade dog treats.

And our daughter travels with me to doctors appointments and grocery stores and helps me all day with any needs that arise.

And, of course, the Wonderpup. . .

Still, this chronic illness life is no joke and the scariest part of this diagnosis is that it is a sentence: this intense hip pain is going to be with me for quite some time.

I came across this link on The Mighty and the author did a pretty good job of covering some of the ups and downs of the chronic illness and pain life:

33 Unfortunate Realities of Life With Chronic Pain and Illness

And now, though I wasn’t improving anyway, this indicates a huge setback.

A freaking hip fracture. At 39.

Also, the teeny tiny part of my brain that really really hoped I might get better and go back to work one day just really had to let go. And disability is still so so slow. And I can’t walk through the grocery store or get through the day without two naps, much less be a nurse anymore. #fixitjesus

Totally letting go of being a nurse is letting go of a big part of my identity as well and this one hurts.

Still, though I am feeling pretty overwhelmed, I’ll keep on as always. I have faith.

As my family has been sleeping tonight – and I’m wide awake, due to pain, upset, and more dreaded steroid shots from the ER – I’ve been working on some things and watching some TED talks and I came across this really great one:

Ladies, if you don’t watch the whole thing, skip to around minute 12 and watch the fabulous Jill Scott. It’s about a one minute long video and to hear her talk about our queenness is worth the price of admission.

As I’m feeling a bit out of sorts, I really needed Miss Scott’s wisdom tonight. I needed to remember that my ultimate dream when I was a little girl was to be a writer and that my pieces are starting to be published and I have two books that I am slowly but surely working on and that I can still do those things and this blog – that I love – whilst my hip is healing.

I am still me, even if my bones are pretty unruly.

Be well, everybody. Happy Friday.

Grace and Blessings!