finding the right frame of mind, bird by bird

My amazing teacher/coach/friend Holly, from Hip Sobriety, always says we handle things when it comes to recovery and sobriety bird by bird, that is to say one issue at a time.

And I totally get that and it works and makes sense to me.

For some reason, when it comes to health issues though, I have a harder time taking the same approach.

I get overwhelmed, I want answers now, I want it all to be better, I want to understand what the hell is going on.

Unfortunately, I have one of those diagnosis where answers aren’t always clear and research is everchanging and up is down and right is left.

As was pretty clear in my post yesterday, I was not doing well with all that has been going on with me and all I’ve been seeing with my patients.

And work last night really sucked too.

But answers to prayers come in odd ways and it actually started last night with something I mentioned in my post yesterday.

I said I was taking one of my lavender rollers in each scrub pocket. And I did. Even though I knew it defied all logic – why did I need two? – but I WAS, in fact, freaking the freak out and felt that was what I needed to do. So I did.

As it happened, one of my dear nurse friends, who has been through absolute hell these last few months, was working with me last night.
Within two months, she has lost her infant granddaughter, seriously injured her knee, and had a stroke. It’s been unbelievable. And last night was the first night she really seemed like herself again. We had just been standing, talking and laughing, when she took a call from home and came back inside crying. Her husband called to tell her that their closest friend had died suddenly of a heart attack.

Oh. My. Word.

Needless to say, the rest of the evening was spent loving her through that shock and trauma. In the midst of that, we had some MAJOR issues going on throughout our unit and were constantly putting out fires.

At about 4 AM, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “I am about to lose it. Help me.”

I reached in my pocket and said, “It’s time for my hippie stuff” and just covered her with lavender.

And she loved it so much.

And then I knew exactly why I felt such a crazy compulsion to carry both rollerballs with me in the first place.

The unopened one was hers, to take home to help her get through what will be an awful week.

God knew what we needed all along.

And, in a weird way, I calmed down when I realized that.

As I have been wracking my brain for ANY way to help her these past few months, I was so profoundly grateful for one little thing I could offer to make her feel a tiny bit better.

I may not have anything to fix anything, but, honey, you can bet your tail I’ve got some EO’s.

I absolutely do. Big or small, I’m just grateful.

We survived our shift – late and with many problems – and finally left.

And, as I wrote this morning, I made my way to Sonic and then home to see my awesome husband and my furbabies and got some sleep. All good, good things.

When I got up, I had some beautiful pictures I hadn’t seen before of my Grandmother when she was young waiting for me. I am a total picture person and things like that are incredibly important to me.

And I was starting to feel better, bit by bit, bird by bird.

I got up and got ready and my better half was so sweet to send Sara and I out to get our hair done and I got a much needed pedicure – my feet have been killing me! – and we just had some good girl time.

We also stopped by TJ Maxx and found a beautiful frame for my Grandmother’s wedding picture so I can enjoy it everyday now:

my new favorite picture of my Grandmother.

I made us all a late dinner of my favorite risotto recipe – my forever comfort food – and spent some time with my better half and fur babies and now am having a late night of reading and catching up on my podcasts.

An aside: My priest, Nadia Bolz-Weber, from House for All Sinners and Saints in Denver, Colorado, can now be listened to each week via podcast. I am so freaking happy about this! (but, Colorado, I’m still longing for you)

I HIGHLY recommend Nadia’s church podcast. So worth your time.

And, while I’m recommending, this is the podcast done by Holly and her best friend, Laura, and it is fabulous. Yes, yes, yes.

And I am – in terms of my spoonie headspace – feeling much better now.

And I realize now that I am going to have to approach my illness bird by bird as well.

It will make my life so much happier.

Trying to take the whole of it in at any given time is too much for anybody – and doesn’t solve anything.

Time to focus on what I CAN do: good self care, my supplement management, appropriate exercise, solid rest, happy activities to look forward to, and being of service in all the ways I am able to.

Be well, everybody.

Love and light. πŸ’™πŸ’šπŸ’œβ€πŸ’›

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