the scariest night of my life – alternatively titled “I’m either giving up food or sleep. My body can no longer be trusted.”

As I wrote in my last post, I’ve been dealing with a kick ass flare – not great but nothing new.

And, after I posted yesterday afternoon, it landed me in the ER for some high dose steroids and anti-inflammatories – again, not great but nothing new.

I then came home, ate dinner, and hung out with my husband for awhile.

Around 10 PM, the monster dose of steroids kicked in, Sonic called my name, and I called Sara, our youngest daughter, to ride with me for a treat.

Usually, I’m a Cherry Nerd Slush addict, but – thank you, Decadron – this Strawberry M&M thing really looked amazing. So I got one (medium) and maybe ate 2/3 of it.

Then we did our usual nighttime activities – let our dogs come pile up in bed with us for awhile, watched some Modern Family, I read for awhile – and I went to sleep around 1:30 AM.

I’m going to pause and mention two things that seemed minor up to yesterday – keep in mind that, with autoimmune disease, my Rheumy and I are forever trying to wade through a multitude of symptoms and figure out what they mean and if they are significant:

1. My Methotrexate (my chemo drug) had given me some occasional mild acid reflux, as well as nausea and vomiting when I take it, and we knew the reflux might get worse with the dosage increase. If it did, and since I have celiac disease as well, I was going to make a GI appointment.

2. We were considering that I might be developing a dairy intolerance or allergy but were just watching it. There was no cause for alarm at this point – and my doctor was trying to avoid furthur restricting my diet, especially since I very rarely eat it and usually prefer almond or soy based products.

All of that reasonable thinking changed at 4 AM this morning.

I woke up choking, unable to clear my airway, with a thick mucus and some leftover dairy (sorry to be gross), completely terrified.

It lasted for about ten minutes.

I was unable to speak and could not wake my husband with my flailing attempts.

Finally, I was able to cough enough to open my airway and gasp for air.

At that point, my fingers and lips were blue.

Oh my word!!!!

Needless to say, I’m still awake.

And I’ll be calling the doctor at 8:01 AM.

And I have some new things in place already that I know he’ll be doing anyway:

1. I’m now allergic to dairy. Of course, I’m a vegetarian who is allergic to eggs as well so that officially makes me one of those vegan assholes. Don’t worry. I won’t try to recruit you. (So long, store bought pizza. I’ll have to make my own with soy cheese. It’s fine. I so don’t mind now.)

2. I’m adding Zantac twice a day to my million medications. Again, totally fine. I’ll buy stock after this little episode.

3. I won’t eat anything four hours before bed – nope, nope, nope (and that’s when I resume eating again – maybe in September).

4. In addition to school work and the other 659 things on my to-do list today, I’ll be refreshing my memory on all the other things those with severe acid reflux are supposed to do. I’m pretty sure I can find the time.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared.

And I’m still totally feeling pretty freaked out right now.

Who wouldn’t?

But I’m going to make it.

Apart from the to do list, I see some quality time with my comfies and my meditation cushion and a hot bath and some kava tea in my near future.

#spooniestrong  #fightlikeagirl

Be well, everybody.

Love and light.

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