sometimes the dreaded thing isn’t so terrible after all

All of my life, I’ve hated wearing my hair short.

And, recently, on my RA meds, it has gone from shedding to coming out in clumps.

Add to that, my Rheumatologist just added another, stronger RA med earlier this week, one whose side effect profile includes a high likelihood of hair loss.

Combined, this left me in an unpleasant spot.

So, late Wednesday night/early Thursday morning, after some of the worst hair loss I had experienced so far, I stayed up late, thinking and digging through Pinterest for ideas of what to do.

I finally concluded that all that could be done at this point was to let it go.

I told my husband and my daughter, Sara, that morning, and planned to go with Sara as soon as school got out.

Of course, by then, I was a nervous wreck.

I had searched online, considering wigs and scarves, looking at ways to get them shipped to me overnight.

I was literally lightheaded, nauseated, and shaky by the time we were pulling in to get it done.

In the “before” pics, I can even see thinning patches on the back of my head I didn’t know were there.

Of course, it took all of about five minutes to take it all off.

And, honestly?

Though I wouldn’t have chosen this in my healthy days, it wasn’t the awful horrible thing I imagined:

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I’ve always loved the little costume headbands they sell at Halloween (see above) so I have tons of them – and have already bought a couple more this year. And I have a sparkly headband collection. And gypsy scarves. And wraps. . .

And I really see myself just enjoying those most of the time.

And, sometimes, I probably won’t wear anything at all – now that I discovered it really isn’t a catastrophe: it’s just another part of my fight.

However, when I do want to have hair and/or need to feel fabulous, there are some amazing purples and pinks and teals on Amazon (where else?) that are super reasonable. And they can come via Prime in a non-emergent manner now.

When I got home from the hairstylist, my Bravelet had come in the mail:

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At the beginning of 2017, I decided “brave” was my word of the year but I had no idea just how brave I would need to be.

So far, this year, my illness has taken:

  • my career – and all that comes with it, like income, work friends, sense of self
  • my hair
  • my wardrobe – due to major weight gain
  • some of my independence – as I can’t work, and, right now, I can hardly walk

However, it definitely hasn’t been all loss.

I have gained a great deal as well:

  • more time with my family – and an even closer relationship with my husband and daughter as a result
  • my Henry – need I say more? 🙂
  • a new oil business – that I am so excited about
  • new friendships as a result of my oils

Even with the losses, I am so incredibly blessed.

As was covered in last Sunday’s sermon:

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So I will continue on and keep choosing joy.

Be well, everybody.

Love and light. ❤️💜💛💚💙

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