So damn easy to say that life’s so hard
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars
As for me, I’d like to thank my lucky stars
That I’m alive – and well.
It’d be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me, I’m alive.
And today, you know, that’s good enough for me
Breathing in and out’s a blessing, can’t you see
Today’s the first day of the rest of my life
And I’m alive.
I’m Alive – Dave Matthews & Kenny Chesney
I haven’t written for the past week or so – quite awhile for me – as I’ve been working through the symptoms of a 20% prednisone reduction. Of course, long-term, this is a great thing; it’s just the short term misery that was a total bitch.
There will be more reductions (of course) to get me off the poison – but this was the biggest at one time and so presumably the worst. It brought with it:
- gnarly joint pain
- fatigue – above and beyond the usual
- nasty brain fog
- absolutely kicking headaches and migraines
Honestly, I think I could handle the rest of the symptoms – though YUCK – except that I had already been battling migraines for some insane reason for the past several weeks so to have them get worse was really nasty. However, I made it.
So, as always, onward.
On Friday, Good Friday, I sat down intending to make a quick check of social media and then write a post – and then to work on my current big project – when I was absolutely blindsided with terrible news.
See, the previous Sunday, an author I love, Rachel Held Evans, tweeted this:
While, of course, it was not great that she was in the hospital, it certainly sounded like everything was under control. She is 37 and otherwise healthy.
On Good Friday, however. it was revealed that she is now in ICU in a medically induced coma. Apparently, she went into a state of constant seizures in her brain and her doctors are trying everything possible to stop this. The situation is grave and just devastating.
Again, yesterday, her husband confirmed that her seizures are ongoing. There are really no words at this point.
As I’ve prayed and checked for updates, I’ve given even more gratitude for . . . what health may come for me?
And for pushing through, I think.
And certainly, though I live with a great deal of pain and symptoms, still finding myself IN. IT. as far as this thing called life goes – especially since it wasn’t looking so good a few months ago.
I’ve realized, with several otherwise healthy people around my age falling ill like this unexpectedly recently, while some friends in my spoonie group and I are also experiencing our usual struggles, that there is a heavier thing – but not necessarily a bad thing – that bears reminding for everyone:
Life is finite. Our days are limited.
Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. – Psalm 90:12
I may be more AWARE of this normally – because of the state of my body – but that doesn’t mean it’s less true for you.
And I’m not being morbid at all when I write this.
Quite the contrary.
I think it’s good sometimes to remember, to take stock, to give gratitude when we ARE able to do things, and to make plans to DO them.
Make your big HELL YES Bucket List. Today, start planning on doing one of the things. Know that if you don’t believe you will get to those places, you REALLY never will. Dream big wild dreams. Add to the list as you learn about new things.
Remember we’re here to love God and love people, to look after each other, and to DO THIS THING called life.
And, if you have your own tiny altar, say a prayer for Rachel and her family. They desperately need it.
Be well, everybody. Plan to get into something fabulous. ❤
Grace and Blessings.
follower of Jesus. wife. kid & fur mom. writer. reader. word nerd. traveler disabled nurse. total Buddy the Elf.