everything is new

Over the past few months, as my foot has spontaneously broken again – and isn’t healing well – and my autoimmune disease continues to be an ongoing roller coaster ride, it has become clear that my days of working as floor nurse are coming to an end.

Now, following the advice of my doctor and with the support of my husband, I have finally had to officially stop working and begin the process of seeking disability.

As you might imagine, this has taken some time to get my head around.

The other day, as I was thinking, a precious lady I haven’t thought about in a long time came to mind.

Sara Frankl, pictured on the right, blogged daily through her autoimmune disease that kept her homebound, unable to leave her apartment (she was inside for nine years prior to her death) due to severe allergic responses and in unimaginable pain, with little relief because she was also allergic to most pain medications. She believed in choosing joy, despite her circumstances, and wrote beautiful, encouraging posts up until her illness made it impossible.

She passed away in 2011, due to complications of ankylosing spondylitis.

I loved her blog, though when I was reading it I had no idea that I would be facing autoimmune disease myself a few years later.

I revisited her blog this weekend and it was so encouraging to me.

I had forgotten that she also suffered from Cushing’s Disease, which is a result of steroid use, and I cried when I read this post because I could so relate to her feelings:

http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com/2011/08/5-minutes-beauty.html

Having watched my weight go up, up, up and my face go completely moon with all of my steroid use, I’ve had to come to terms with a new kind of “beautiful.” It’s hard to explain and it was so wonderful to reach back across six years and feel understood.

God knew I needed to remember Sara – and to choose joy – this weekend.

Though this latest development is certainly life-changing for my family and me, my new life is going to be a wonderful one.

My daughter, Sara, and I are loving getting our Young Living company started:

The joy of working with her as well as the challenges of learning about starting a business and studying my oils has been so good for me.

Our business, Leilani Wellness, will also be the home for my Health Coaching, that is starting soon. As a student at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, I am passionate about health and wellness, and, because I deal with so many health challenges myself, I am constantly studying and learning the new things that are coming out and I am well-versed in alternative therapies. I can’t wait to start working with other people, helping them become their best.

Finally, in the realm of work, I will be realizing my dream of writing, doing some freelance pieces – and, of course, I’ll still be here as always. 😉

Despite my illness, I’ll just keep dreaming new dreams.

One amazing gift of this new life is something I swore I would never, ever, EVER do.

I’ve joked about it.

Laughed about.

Thought women who did it were crazy.

Yet here I am:

Our oldest daughter has had some struggles in school and has needed extra help for some time now and we have struggled SO hard to come up with the best solution. It has been incredibly difficult for all of us. And I didn’t know what to do. And I was just absolutely sick.

But God.

The gift of my time at home is that, while I’m not always physically able to do what I would like, I am present and can give more of myself to my family.

And I can be here to help our daughter. And give her the extra time and love and attention she needs.

And I am so profoundly grateful for my precious husband who has been amazingly supportive as we are transitioning.

My new life is these two cuties for school hours:

I am a blessed woman indeed.

Now that I am home, beginning this week, I am also taking on saving, repurposing, reusing, couponing, and being more thrifty:

I’m already a bargain shopper and a thrifter but I am going to step it up. I’m adding coupons and applying the buyerarchy to my purchases. I’m sure I’ll be writing more about this undertaking as it progresses – and whatever misadventures may befall me while I try. #fixitjesus #domesticgoddessIamnot

I am so thankful for the time to work on these things for our family.

Finally, one thing I’ve really struggled with is not being able to help people as I would like to or do service projects anymore due to my health. Now that I also am not able to work as a nurse, I really was having a hard time feeling like I couldn’t be of service at all anymore.

Then I saw this (on Pinterest, the stay at home dog mom/homeschool mom lifeline):

And I knew immediately it was for me.

I love, love, love to send cards – snail mail is still the best in my book – and it costs practically nothing (great for a family on a budget) and I can do it even when my body isn’t being cooperative.

I am so so happy.

This new life of mine isn’t even recognizable from my old one.

But it’s full of family time, teaching, writing, oils, books, and an adorable service dachshund.

It’s proof that even with this awful nasty horrible RA, God had a big beautiful amazing joyful plan for me and my family.