a new perspective (sometimes mid-post)

I’ve decided to leave this, the post I had started about the crummy few days I’ve been having, as is, and then I have some new thoughts to add:

At my ortho visit on Tuesday, I learned that, in addition to my left second and fourth metatarsals still being fractured, I have a fracture of my fourth metatarsal of the right foot as well as a fracture below the ten-year old screw in my fifth metatarsal in the same. And also another likely fracture in that same bone.

So four – likely five – fractures in my feet.

And I am not getting around well at all right now.

And, in addition to this serious foot pain, I am experiencing significantly worsening generalized RA symptoms that are more than a flare. I have an appointment with a new specialist next month and am hopeful that perhaps they will find a more appropriate treatment for me.

But, for now, I am going to be back and forth between my bedroom and my study – and basically useless for all intents and purposes.

I came home from ortho – after dealing with some other issues that have come up for our daughter and other things (just a sucky, sucky day) – and collapsed into one of my sickly comas. I’ve done waaaay more sleeping than I’ve been awake since I got home – and I’ve been sick as Hale when I have been awake.

Part of this may well be because every time I need to go to another healthcare setting, I seem to pick up another illness. This flu season has so many bugs out there to offer the immunocompromised.

So I am not planning to leave our home before the weekend unless I absolutely have to lest I pick up something else.

Needless to say, between being off work, having two broken feet, and now with the worsening RA, I am finding my anxiety also to be in a difficult place (what else should I have expected?).

It’s been a lot to take in.

Of course, I will burrow with Henry with Wonderpup and my books and have my quiet times and use my Valor and keep working on all of this. I’m just being honest in saying that it stinks.

The above post was as far as I’d gotten. Then I decided to do some school work and come back to it later. And I did. And it really changed my thinking:

One guest lecturer I particularly enjoyed, doing my schoolwork, was Jamie Zimmerman, MD, who worked for ABC News and spoke on meditation and the recent medical studies accounting for its benefits.

At the end of her lecture, this popped up:

And I had a total “What the What?” moment.

It turned out she died in a drowning accident in Hawaii in 2015 at 31. Wow.

But I’m sure it was God’s timing that I got to her lecture tonight, in the midst of my funk.

To help me regain some perspective.

I don’t understand right now why all of this is so difficult at the moment or why it seems like I can’t go three days without a new medication or why my bones keep breaking or – especially – why our daughter is having to endure this too.

And it does really stink sometimes.

And it’s okay to say that.

But I am still here – and still pushing through. And we will help our daughter push through as well.

And I know God has a plan for all of this.