I’ve got to keep the calm before the storm

I don’t want less, I don’t want more

Must bar the windows and the doors

To keep me safe, to keep me warm

Yeah, my life is what I’m fighting for

Can’t part the sea, can’t reach the shore

And my voice becomes the driving force

I won’t let this pull me overboard

God, keep my head above water

Don’t let me drown, it gets harder

I’ll meet You there at the altar

As I fall down to my knees 

Don’t let me drown, drown, drown

Don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me drown

So pull me up from down below

‘Cause I’m underneath the undertow

Come dry me off and hold me close

I need you now, I need you most

God, keep my head above water

Don’t let me drown, it gets harder

I’ll meet you there at the altar

As I fall down to my knees

Don’t let me drown, drown, drown

Keep my head above water, above water

And I can’t see in the stormy weather

I can’t seem to keep it all together

And I can’t swim the ocean like this forever

And I can’t breathe  

God, keep my head above water

I lose my breath at the bottom

Come rescue me, I’ll be waiting

I’m too young to fall asleep

God, keep my head above water

Don’t let me drown, it gets harder

I’ll meet you there at the altar

As I fall down to my knees

Don’t let me drown. . .

— Head Above Water, Avril Lavigne

Avril wrote this at the height of her sickness with Lyme disease – and it is often my spoonie anthem and prayer on the rough days, especially after doctor visits like the one I had on Monday.

Complications With My Right (Post-Op) Foot

As I mentioned in my last post, my right foot – with its overdue stitches – was not looking good at all. And by Monday? It looked awful

It looked so bad that the surgeon who never visits at post-op appointments – she always just sends her PAs – came flying in.

And she poked.

And she scraped.

And she’s sending me to the wound care specialist.

Of course, this is NOT what I hoped to see or hear – especially when I feel it could have been prevented – but here we are.

(At the end of this journey, I’ll probably do a full post with all of the pictures – but I’m not going to share the groddy one right now. Suffice to say, it’s bad – and a post with pictures will have a huge disclaimer at the top.)

So I am taking all of the supplements and continuing the antibiotics and doing all of the things while I wait on my wound care appointment.

And praying.

My Left Foot

As I mentioned to EVERYONE I saw at the ortho office, my left foot is also giving me fits right now. This is likely due to compensating when I walk and a fall last week – but it is really unpleasant. Of course, as there is no billing in a post-op visit, no one addressed it.

However, when I reported it to my favorite PA, the one who rounds for my surgeon in the hospital, he said, “Well, you have more fractures than anybody I’ve ever seen so. . . ”

That made me feel much better.

If anything, the pain is worsening. If it continues to do so, I will have it evaluated to be safe.

My Right Hip

I also mentioned to EVERYONE I saw that my right hip is hurting worse than it ever has since this fall – and, again, billing and post-op, nothing was addressed. It also isn’t getting better so I suppose I’ll be making a separate appointment for that as well.

Good grief I say.

I am just WORN OUT with having to beg for help.

But I did try something to help it that has been an answer to my prayers and I’m kicking myself for fighting it for so long.

My New Permanent Sidekick

Meet Ellie, y’all.

In keeping with naming my things after some of my favorite female musicians, she is Ellie, as in Holcombe.

On Tuesday, I woke up with some seriously wonky balance and kicking right hip pain – and decided to give her a go.

While I DO use my smart chair and my rollator when I have to, I have been resistant to a cane for literally years – and now I wish I hadn’t.

She makes a huge difference with my balance – more than I could have imagined – and I am so thankful. Since I have dropfoot, even the slightest change in a surface when I’m walking – one a healthy person would never notice – can easily cause me to stumble and fall. She has already saved several missteps for me.

She also takes some pressure off my hip. I had no idea the difference she would make.

And where I haven’t been able to step up onto curbs in months, I can with her. It’s wonderful.

So she is permanently with me now for safety and mobility.

And – though I know it’s a vanity thing, I’m only 41 and it IS hard to need a cane at my age – I am so happy that she is a super fabulous leopard, my fave. ❤

Keeping My Head Above Water

As for this setback with my foot, I AM so upset. Who wouldn’t be?

I should know more soon when I see the wound care doctor, but, for now, I am to rest it as much as possible, eat protein, and take my supplements and antibiotics.

I plan to continue spending time with my family and doing lots of reading and blogging, as well as book research and writing and learning French while I recover.

And, as always, onward.

Be well, everybody. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Grace and Blessings.