finally home – antibiotics, fractures, and all.

Once was a season of infinite light

When the distance from Heaven was not far behind

I was close to You, I was close to You

Carry me back to that moment in time

When the colors and fragments were beautifully bright

How I long for You, how I long for You

‘Cause out here in the dark

Underneath a canopy of stars

Constellations falling from Your heart

They tell me that I’m not alone

‘Cause honestly I’m so alone

Promise me I’m not alone

How many miles does my soul have to drive

Before love can collide with the mess in my life

That’s not hard for You, that’s not hard for You

‘Cause You see through spectrums of darkness and light

But I’m losing my way and I’m losing my mind

I can’t see the truth, help me see the truth

‘Cause out here in the dark

Underneath the canopy of stars

Constellations falling from Your heart

They tell me that I’m not alone

‘Cause honestly I’m so alone

But promise me I’m not alone, oh

Promise me I’m not alone, oh, oh, oh

When I felt the light of the moon on my face

The memory of sun that’d been shining for days

You’ve already been in this desolate place

You’ve already been here and You’ve made a way

Pinpricks of glory strung out across the sky

Memories of darkness undone by the light

Reminding me You are right here by my side

You’re here by my side, You’re here by my side

Out here in the dark

Underneath a canopy of stars

Constellations falling from Your heart

They tell me that I’m not alone

I know that I’m never alone

‘Cause You find me and bring me back home

And I’m never alone, never alone

Never alone, never alone

Never alone

Out here in the dark.

Constellations, Ellie Holcomb. – Just released a couple of days ago. ❤

Ellie always has a way of speaking my heart – and this, her new release, JUST came out as I was experiencing my nine day inpatient stay during the time of COVID – so no weenie dog and days before even my husband was allowed to visit.

Heavy, heavy times.

As it happened, I was about to be discharged again on home antibiotics for infection in both feet, though I could barely walk and was complaining of severe pain in my left hip. An ultrasound was done on my hip and I was told by a hospitalist I did not know well that it showed “inflammation” and no hernia.

Blessedly, the day I was to be discharged, a hospitalist I DO know well – one I had previously been admitted to for a week – took over my case and he entered my room as I was waiting on help to lift my left leg onto my bed because I could no longer lift it myself.

He helped me onto the bed, talked to me for a bit, told me he had reviewed my chart, and stated he was not comfortable discharging me without further testing on my hip – since the ultrasound report recommended one, something was obviously wrong, and my pain was out of control. He then ordered an MRI of the hip and notified the other physicians that I would not be discharged.

The MRI of my hip was done late that night. Later, my nurse and I tracked down the actual ultrasound report, which actually said that there was no hernia but that there was some kind of mass and an MRI was indicated. I was SHOCKED that the prior hospitalist had not told me this and that he was going to discharge me. What the actual hell???

The next morning, I was anxiously awaiting a visit from my attending hospitalist when suddenly patient transport appeared to whisk me away for a CT scan AND an MRI with and without contrast of my pelvis.

Needless to say, I was terrified.

I quickly called my husband to tell him what was happening and went downstairs.

Upon my return, my hospitalist was waiting on me – and my infectious disease doctor and my orthopedist and her PA quickly joined us.

WOW.

As it as turned out, the source of ALL this infection is a “BIG infection” in my left hip – the mass – and I now have a fracture as well. My lumbar spine has also gotten involved – and the fabulous surgeon who did surgery on my husband some ten years ago quickly arrived on the scene as well.

To have this many doctors suddenly in my room let me know that I have a SERIOUS situation on my hands. Of course, as I stated last post, I knew something was seriously wrong days ago.

The doctors talked to each other and to me and formulated a plan.

As placing hardware is out of the question until I complete these IV antibiotics, it was decided that I could come home and finish them here via PICC because I would be so much better home with my family – Thank the Lord – and then meet with my doctors again in the office at the end of next week to schedule surgery and finalize our plans.

I came home to my husband, daughter, and weenie dog on Friday evening, thank goodness.

I am so relieved.

I have been loving eating Sara’s yummy homemade foods:

And my amazing husband filled our room with beautiful flowers for me:

For Mother’s Day, we are finally getting have Henry’s 7th Birthday party. ❤

I am still in terrible pain so I am spending most of my time in my spot – and four hours a day on IV antibiotics – but I am still just so happy to be home.

One thing I noticed when Ellie’s new song came out was that the verse she chose for its release was the same verse I’ve been clinging to and sharing with y’all: