the beast and the beauty of it.

We have to learn that what cannot be cured must be endured. – Montaigne

Last week, I started rereading a book that I just loved, written by a fabulous lady, Nina Riggs, who died in her late thirties from breast cancer. She writes with astounding clarity and wisdom and even humor of her experience walking through Stage Four cancer and I started it as I’m jumping back in to work on my death book. When I picked it up, I had no idea I would be in the middle of it when our Lindsey passed away.

Her loss has been heavy these last days. Her memorial is this weekend and she is very much on my heart.

The Montaigne thought above is one that I came across as I was reading Nina’s book today, for the first time since Lindsey’s death.

See, my health status is ever-changing, day to day (and sometimes hour to hour it seems).

Recently, I enjoyed a period of “good” health – for me – in that my pain had been under control, manageable, and my symptoms were stable. Of course, I will take any amount of time I can get like this – but it did, in some ways, give me – false? – hope that an improvement was coming that just. . . isn’t.

Please don’t misunderstand.

I am still better than I have been at times in the past – and profoundly grateful for that.

And I never had full relief – my RA is always a beast, as is my Crohn’s and of course Celiac is just something we manage – I just momentarily had enough of it from my CRPS symptoms to hope that maybe that one would go into remission. . . but, no, I will not be one of those few fortunate patients.

The CRPS is back with it’s usual punch in my feet, particularly my right foot – and, though I’m used to dealing with it, it has also come with the fatigue, some of the systemic and neurological symptoms, and the facial pains that I definitely enjoyed being without for a minute.

But we press onward.

That what cannot be cured must be endured.

However, even in the midst of some painful physical and emotional enduring, God has been good and there are many things to be grateful for, the beautiful things.

Our Henry turned eight years old over the weekend and we celebrated him with a Cinco de Mayo themed birthday party that was so much fun. ❤

My dear friend Cheryl’s sweet daughter, Delaney, is graduating seminary and we were able to celebrate her with a tea on Sunday. It was so so good to see them after a long year apart. ❤

My better half brought the most beautiful flowers for me to make me feel better today and we’ve gotten to spend more time together while I’m on semester break. ❤

I am truly blessed.

Also, my semester ended really well and I’ll be sharing more about that later this week.

As I’m thinking about our trip this weekend to Lindsey’s service even, though that is going to be hard, I’m thankful to have my sweet Sara Bug traveling with me along the way. Lindsey wanted everyone to celebrate her big – and Sara and I will be sure to sing and car dance and properly play the truck stop game on the way home in her honor. I know how much she would hate everyone being so sad – it’s just that we miss her so much. ❤

So I’m going to take a minute and give thanks for it all – the good and even the not so good – for still being here and carrying on – especially on those sick days when He is carrying me, for my many blessings, far more than I deserve.

Be well, everybody. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Grace and Blessings.


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