not you, Jarrid. please, not you.

Life Ain’t Always Beautiful

Life ain’t always beautiful

Sometimes it’s just plain hard

Life can knock you down, it can break your heart.

Life ain’t always beautiful

You think you’re on your way

But it’s just a dead end road at the of the day.

But the struggles make you stronger 

And the changes make you wise

And happiness has it’s own of taking it’s sweet time.

No, life ain’t always beautiful

Tears will fall sometimes

Life ain’t always beautiful

But it’s a beautiful ride.

Life ain’t always beautiful

Some days I miss your smile

I get tired of walking all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute

That I could see your pretty face

Guess I can dream, but life don’t work that way.

But the struggles made me stronger

And the changes made me wise

And happiness has it’s own way of taking its sweet time.

No, life ain’t always beautiful

But I know I’ll be fine

No, life ain’t always beautiful

But it’s a beautiful ride

What a beautiful ride.

– Gary Allan, 2005

I typed those lyrics out before my Daddy and I had a fabulous time seeing Gary Allan together last night.

Gary first came on my radar back in 2005 when Daddy shared his “Tough All Over” CD with me. When he gave it to me, he said it was such a heavy but wonderful album – and, oh my word, is it ever. It’s amazing.

The centerpiece of the album is the song above, about losing his sweet wife to suicide, and it meant a great deal to me as I was dealing with quite the home situation at the time – and, sure enough, I did push through to the other side of it – and it has sort of come back for me as pain seems to have wracked my body with not much help coming right now – but I know I’ll get through this as well.

And when Gary was coming to our town? That was the show for Daddy and me, no doubt. He’s been our guy ever since 2005.

However, that we are seeing Gary this week – of all weeks – just boggles my mind as a huge loss has rocked many of us in my online community.

Waking Up To Some Unbearable News

After a pretty gnarly medical episode earlier this week, I woke up from being knocked completely out due to a prednisone withdrawal – thank you, shitty soon to be former Rheumy –  to learn that precious Jarrid Wilson had passed away at 30.

And I was just in complete and utter disbelief.


I still don’t have my head – or heart – around this.

But I am just devastated by his loss, particularly for Juli, Finch, and Denham. My heart just aches for them all.


As a few days have passed now, the mainstream media headlines of “Megachurch Pastor Who Spoke About Mental Health Commits Suicide” have popped up everywhere. And, yes, that is true.

But that’s not a drop in the bucket of what I know of Jarrid, who was an absolutely adoring husband and father, a gifted writer and speaker, a committed friend, and one of the most compassionate human beings you could ever hope to meet.

First, I’m going to choose to share this story from several weeks ago as it may be how you may have recently heard of Jarrid, even if you’ve never read his blog or his books:

Pastor Jarrid Wilson Launches #GreatJoys Movement to Counter Alyssa Milano’s Celebration of Her Abortions

I’m not here to discuss abortion or anything but Jarrid right now – but I truly loved this when it happened as it really was a reflection of Jarrid’s sweet heart: not to be ugly when he disagreed with something, just to find a gentle way to make his point.

And, sadly, the second story, if it is my choice of all the heartbreaking news, because it contains some precious memories of Jarrid:

I hate this so very much. His last tweet, just before his death, breaks me, particularly as he had tweeted the same thing the day before.

Even More Since I Began Writing

Since I started writing this post on September 12th, I paused as I had plans and came back to finish today, the 13th.

I learned this morning when I logged on that, on the same day Jarrid passed away, a young family in my community lost their husband and father of three – who was also a hard-working, loving, adoring family man – to suicide as well.

This is happening everywhere and can happen to anybody.

Real Talk

A few thoughts that I feel I HAVE to share after some of things I’ve seen and read in the past few days:

  • If someone you love is expressing suicidal ideation, pray with them if they ask you to – BUT – they need to be taken to a hospital. For whatever reason, this is often not happening in church circles – and it absolutely must be the first – 911 – thought, just as if someone were having chest pain. It is that critical.
  • It is necessary in serious mental health situations to seek professional mental health assistance in addition to pastoral help. Medical help is needed – and delaying it can have terrible consequences. A therapist, a psychiatrist, a team in place. These are invaluable resources.
  • Save the Crisis Hotline – 1.800.273.8255 – and the Text Crisis Hotline – 741741 – to your phone in case you or someone you care about needs it.
  • Check on your people often; don’t just assume people are okay. Especially in this age of social media, it’s so easy to go long periods without having actual contact with loved ones – so be sure to call, text, check in.
  • Take care of yourself. Take help if you need it. 1 in 3 people deal with anxiety and depression. We aren’t talking about a rare disorder here – we are talking about a highly unaddressed disorder.

In The End

Jarrid and Juli founded an organization, Anthem of Hope, to help people deal with mental health issues. A few days before Jarrid died, he was texting friends to raise support for their organization and awareness for Suicide Prevention Week – this week.

He wanted to help everyone so badly – and didn’t receive enough help for himself.

Please keep his sweet family in your prayers.

They desperately need them.

Rest easy, sweet friend.

I freaking hate this.

Lord have mercy on us all.

suicide awareness week.

Be well, everybody. Take care of yourselves and each other on this beautiful ride.

Grace and Blessings.









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