navigating when i really can’t walk. and learning to be speedracer. and amazing jen hatmaker outings. and grace.

First, I don’t know how to describe this shuffle and slide and hold on to everything-and-everybody-near-me thing I’ve got going on right now when I try to “walk” – but my mobility has gone to hell in a handbasket in the past couple of days (not that it was great before – but this is TERRIBLE). Where before I really needed my smartchair to be able to participate in anything that involved significant walking, right now, it’s an event to get me TO my chair in the first place. This foot situation bites.

However, I am incredibly blessed to have my chair – MANY spoonies don’t have such awesome mobility aids and I would be homebound for sure without it! – and I am even more blessed to have my wonderful husband, who always looks after me, and our sweet Sara Bug, who helps me all the time as well. I would be lost without them. ❤

And last night was the event that I mentioned in my previous post that I was determined not miss, despite this current situation.

If you aren’t familiar with Jen Hatmaker, she’s written several amazing books – and I’m going to link one of her blog posts addressing a time when she was uninvited to speak at a church so you can see what she is all about – and why I love her so:

From this post, in discussing why she was “unsafe” for this conference, she said this – and it is my heart as well:

But what makes me unsafe to you is exactly what makes me safe to others. The skeptic, the cynic, the doubter; my arms are wide open. Their questions and disbelief don’t scare me; I am unthreatened. The loosey-goosey, tambourine shaking, barefoot liberal who loves Jesus and the earth and votes straight-ticket Democrat? I love her. The young adult generation who is leaving the church but running to Jesus in unfamiliar, new ways – I gather them to me like a Mama because they are going to change the world.

I am not put off by creed or denomination or sexual orientation or terrifying doubt or outright anger or nationality or socioeconomic status or issues or weirdness or politics. I’m not going to make a deal out of a glass of wine when 25,000 people will die today of starvation. I just can’t muster the energy. (And since Jesus’ first miracle was turning 150 gallons of water into wine at a wedding in Cana, I’m pretty sure He hedges left here.)

With nearly 8 million people leaving the American church a year, we need some renegades closer to the margins, building bridges, creating safe spaces to question, wrestle, rethink. Plenty of churches exist to serve the 20 percent already connected. For them, I am grateful. Enough shepherds are on the ground for those sheep. They have a deep well of leadership, and my absence will not even be felt. They are brothers and sisters, and I’ll see them on the other side.

As for me, I’m throwing my lot in with the other 80 percent, the ones with their arms crossed, their hearts broken, their worth unrealized. The ones who shake their fists and shake their heads, but still crave hope and redemption, because we all do. Bring me your doubts, your fear. My Jesus can handle it all and then some. He is all of our dreams come true. If you don’t believe me, start in Matthew and read until the end of John. Jesus is a hero, a brother, a Savior in every sense of the word. He is everything good and gracious. His love for us is embarrassing, boundless, without standards at all.

Oh my heart.

Needless to say, I couldn’t wait to hear her – but yesterday was a really sick, in-bed sort of day.

Knowing just how badly I wanted to see her – and just how puny and non-ambulatory I was – my better half came home, after a super busy day at work – with these no less:

flowers are my favorite. ❤

And helped me get loaded up and took Sara and I downtown to the First United Methodist Church – an absolutely beautiful church I’ve wanted to visit since I met several of their members at their booth at Pride – and dropped us off, after he got me situated in Maximus the Smartchair.

Of note, Courtney and Sara call me “Speedracer” in Maximus – and are reportedly trying to find me a t-shirt. Bahahaha! 🙂

He then took Henry and went BACK to his office to keep working:

Henry helping Daddy work while Mawm and Seester were at Jen Hatmaker. ❤

Once Sara and I were inside, the church members were amazing and helped us so much. I only wished my bestie had been with us too because these were totally our people. The only elevator – because it is a very old church – is the casket elevator:

just the right size. . . for a coffin . . bahahaha!!! =D

One of the church ladies and I had the best laugh over that situation.

Then we got settled in for Nicole (who sang) and for Jen. They initially came out together and talked for a bit:

Nicole and Jen.

And then Jen spoke – ON PAIN AND HOW IT HELPS US GROW.  ❤

Some things are just God. And this was definitely one of them. I am so grateful. ❤

Such a moving and needed message. ❤

At intermission, Sara and I made our way back up the coffin elevator – hehehe – and met the sweetest people from Jen’s tour – including a precious fellow weenie dog person who wanted to talk about our matching doggie socks (thank you, Chani! =D ) and doggie Halloween costumes – and more church members, who were just wonderful.

Sara and me at Jen Hatmaker. ❤

It was Just. The. Best.

Total grace.

Afterward, my husband – and Henry! – picked us up and we came home and I got cozy and got my feet up – all the activity made them extra ouchie – and hung out with my boys for awhile before falling out for several hours.

This morning, I am definitely even less mobile for the day. I will be staying in bed and resting – but it was so worth it. ❤

Until ortho on Monday, it will be lots of rest – and a bestie meal too I hope! 🙂

I’ll also be doing some Christmas movie watching and hot chocolate drinking. Courtney has done more decorating and we are looking Christmas wonderful!

On the paw stockings, I still have to get names embroidered at some point. The big ones will say Dave, Dax, and Juliet. The smaller one will say Mick. 🙂

I hate so much that everything else had to be cancelled but there is just no way that it all could have been done. Part of the spoonie life is accepting the limitations that come with it sometimes. And being grateful for what we can do.

And am I ever grateful for last night’s outing. ❤

Be well, everybody.

Grace and Blessings.




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