Today, I started my day sobbing.
I misstepped on Sunday – a small one that a normal person wouldn’t even have taken note of – and some of the broken bones in my right foot shifted more – making them worse and much more painful suddenly.
Since then, between the foot and scheduled appointments, I have been to four different medical doctors, including the ER.
Happy Sunday and Monday to me.
What is terrible isn’t the even so much breaks in the foot – unfortunately, I’m used to that happening – it’s that it has upset my dormant CRPS and my foot is THROBBING in a way it hasn’t in a very long time and not holding weight well at all. I can hardly walk.
The only way to somewhat control the pain is to prop it up and hold it VERY still – and, the moment I put it back on the floor to go to the bathroom or do anything, the pain explodes again.
Well, it was a long night here in the Hippie Hut last night – for some reason, Henry was OFF THE CHAIN ALL NIGHT – and now I can’t get Sara on the phone. She’s exhausted and asleep.
At the same time, my husband’s back is acting up badly and so he is exhausted and frustrated with helping me too.
As a result, I found myself stuck in bed, with nothing to drink, even, unable to get up to help myself, with no one coming, with my door having been shut and my blinds closed – which just makes my anxiety ridiculous – and I realized it was going to be a Very Long And Painful Day.
And I just lost my shit.
I try to be positive here – but I also try to be honest.
And CRPS Spoonie Days are just So. Freaking. Hard.
And lonely sometimes.
There’s no way around it – the only way is through.
I was finally able to get my husband to come with orange juice and to open the door and blinds – so I have since calmed myself.
I have a book I have been looking forward to reading.
I have my foot propped and will only be getting up as is absolutely necessary.
And it will be okay.
I will read and write and hang out with Henry and watch documentaries.
I will make a Good Day still.
Be well, everybody. Take care of yourselves and each other.
Grace and Blessings.