feeling the ill part of this chronic business.

I’ve been chasing myself these past several days since discharge, getting caught up with school from the hospital while these antibiotics are kicking my arse and I am so freaking tired (it never fails).

That said, I was on the phone with my husband while he was at work one day last week when my access code had just come for the new system at the hospital where I could see results that I previously haven’t and I was sort of absentmindedly paging through as we were talking – when I was just absolutely floored.

Y’all, the CT results of my feet – which I’ve never actually seen – look like absolute, t-total hell.

Words like “chronic osteomyelitis” and “septic arthritis” came jumping off the screen – things that explain so much, but won’t be going away. Those are in addition to all of the non-healing stress fractures that I already know are here to stay.

I am – of course – well aware that every step hurts – it’s just that now I really know that what’s causing this can’t be corrected.

Whew.

I’m okay now that I’ve gotten my head around all of this – and I truly am grateful that I’m up and walking, a long way from where I once was – but, still, wow.

I hate that this has come at the same time in my treatment of this round of acute sepsis and foot difficulties where the antibiotics are just absolutely wiping me out – and giving me GI fits – so I feel pretty awful (think a two hours of sleep a night for a week meets the flu type of feeling).

The latter half of each round of IV antibiotics especially is always just a beast.

I am so fortunate that my family is amazing and my professors have been fantastic as I’ve been getting out of the weeds as well – so the point of all this isn’t to file my complaints with everyone.

The point is to say how quickly spoonie health and circumstances can change, as it did for me (AGAIN #goodgrief), from relatively stable to terribly ill, up and walking to barely able to get around.

The instability of the spoonie life is something I don’t think anyone ever gets used to. At least I certainly haven’t.

Still, as always, onward.

Be well, everybody. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Grace and Blessings.