oh, the oscopies and the anxieties. . .

As you can see, yesterday was a super fun day in my world. 

After a long long (LONG) time contending with massive GI symptoms, I had stalled as long as I could and I had to have an endoscopy and colonoscopy.

First, let me say that I have no problem actually having the procedure – or having injections, IVs, labs, etc. . .  I’ve had so many surgeries, PICCs, IVs, and diagnostics that I’ve lost count. One hospitalization, I stopped counting at 60 sticks – and that was just the IVs, lab draws, and injections – apart from the finger sticks four times a day.

So, what I’m about to talk about is not the actual working on me part of things.

Because I fell so terribly ill during my repeated hospitalizations – having been septic – and the source took quite some time to find, and I was caught up, isolated during the COVID mess, separated from my family and my Henry, alone, I have some serious medical PTSD. 

I have a very real and pronounced physiological and psychological response to new physicians, medical appointments, and, Lord help me, procedures now that I NEVER imagined I would have – especially as a nurse.

Particularly as an immunocompromised patient in the midst of COVID, my anxiety goes through the ROOF – as do my blood pressure and heart rate – when I even think of going for treatment.

Needless to say, going in for a procedure was incredibly difficult, even though I have assisted with these before and know they are no big deal. Again, it’s not the actual procedure. It’s the whole experience.

All that said, this simply had to be done.

I’ve reached a point where I am allergic to everything made of food and I’ve been having active GI bleeding, among other symptoms.

So Thursday night I endured the GI prep from hell. Oh my word. I won’t get into the gory details – I’ll just say that the new fangled two part prep is ROUGH.

But I survived – as most patients do 😉 – and my wonderful husband drove me to the hospital at 12:30 for my procedures.

Though he wasn’t allowed to stay with me due to COVID precautions, I was so thankful that the staff was wonderful.

I told them immediately about my anxieties and they were so kind.

Also, fortunately, I didn’t have to wait for long.

The procedure itself took maybe 45 minutes – and, of course, I was out for it.

In recovery, I learned that I have gastritis, my celiac is still active (despite years of a gluten free diet), four polyps were removed and will be checked, I have diverticulosis, and a good bit of inflammation. Several biopsies were sent out and I’ll know much more about what we do about all of this when they come back.

Then I was returned to my sweet husband and allowed to escape.

We came back home and I was ready to drink ALL the fluids.

My precious Sara Bug made us the most yummy vegan creamy broccoli casserole for dinner as I was crazy hungry but my throat is still super sensitive from the endoscopy.

I expected to sleep all night – but discovered that, despite my exhaustion, the steroids they also have to give me during anesthesia kept me up. Ugh.

I’ve also been having some major issues with my CRPS, with serious facial pain, abdominal pain, and the full body jolts that I just HATE. Probably due to my increased anxiety in the past few days, that has been flaring and did not help through the night.

(As aside: November is CRPS Awareness Month and I’ll be doing a full post about it in the next few days.)

Finally, a crazy obscure skin condition that I’ve been dealing with for the past year and a half or so ALSO decided to flare in the worst possible way – likely due to stress and anxiety – so I was on video chat with Teledoc at 4 AM getting that sorted.


All this to say, I thought I would be good as new and back to normal from my procedures today – but instead I feel like I’ve been hit by the post-op bus.

I WILL be fine. Just not today. 😉

After all this time I still forget that my body isn’t a regular one anymore. I don’t just bounce back the next day from something like everyone else. I should have known, with all the fluid shifts and being off schedule and IV meds, that I would be a hot mess today.

So I am all snoodled up in bed with Henry and Mickodemus now. We just had one of Sara’s fabulous vegan grilled cheese and some mini tater tots and we are about to take a nap.

After that, I think some Christmas movies are in order.

After a few days of rest, I should be back to regular working order – and test results will be in next week.

a favorite. she who laughs lasts. ❤

Be well, everybody. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Grace and Blessings.

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